Urge to purge

Since my last post, I've been working my little tushie off.  I haven't been pressuring myself to do it, I've just had this urge to purge.  Spring cleaning?  Sort of...but more than that too.

I've been picturing the day that we, as a family, can pack up and go home - as in where we want to live.  And it's not here.  Where we currently live serves it's purpose and it's decent in terms of location and weather, but the people are some of the rudest I have ever met and the atmosphere is not what I want my babies growing up in.  They deserve better.  They deserve neighbours who know one another and friends who visit, water to swim in and a small town atmosphere.  They need to know that they are safe and have a real place to call home, one that their parents are happy in.

Along with this wonderful vision has come this feeling - this urge to purge.  Essentially, I am down-sizing.  Making room in our home for just the essentials and those memories we most cherish.  I'm making life simple and wonderful.  I'm preparing to leave one day.  I am donating, giving away, selling or throwing out anything that I would not want to pack and bring with us to our wonderful home.  I don't know when we'll be able to go - it could be many more years at best - but it is very freeing taking these steps to help us get there.

*hugs*

It's official!

January 10th has come and gone!  I officially started my home daycare on Monday.  It's been so much fun!  I have 2 little ones, plus Baby home all day and then Monkey gets off the bus in the afternoons.  I've wanted this for a long time, but now that it's here, it's even better than I had hoped.  Sure, there is crying and some small toddler 'fights' to deal with, but I get to lay on the floor and sort blocks and colour all day!  I get to bake and cook all the time - ALL. THE. TIME.  I have time during the day to keep my kitchen clean and make grocery lists and even get some laundry done while the little ones nap.

The best part?  I'm home for my girls.  I'm home but also paying my portion of the bills!  It's a wonderful thing.  Goodnight all!

*hugs*

Welcome 2011.

Well.
I can officially say this holiday season was nothing overly special.  I eventually put the tree up on the 18th, but I didn't decorate it (the lights are built in) and I didn't decorate the house.  I gave gifts, including 2 Secret Santas, but not much else.  Monkey and I baked and I shopped with each of the girls individually for the gifts for some family...but...meh?  I just wasn't feeling it.

With the stress of leaving my job and all of the work that entails and Mr. Penguin in exams and working his tushie off...sleep was so much more important.  If I could squeeze in a tea and snuggle/chat date with my husband, I did.  Screw everything else!

As for New Years?  I fell asleep after my shower at 8:30 at night!  People, I'm not even 30 yet!  How sad is that?!!?  Mr. Penguin woke me up at midnight to wish me a Happy New Year and then I fell back asleep.  I'm such a loser.  Geezer?  Whatever.  I'm a blast to have around, whatever you want to call me (SARCASM).

*hugs*

The Santa 'issue'.

The holiday season is in full swing.  There are cranky people everywhere just waiting to push past you on the street, jump in front of you in line at the mall and sneer in utter unhappiness at the slightest...well, ANYTHING.  I don't know why this season seems to bring out the worst in people.  Seriously.  If buying gifts makes you THAT unhappy - STOP. BUYING. GIFTS.  It's not that hard!  Your kids are taught what to think of the holidays, they don't need that expensive toy or a room full of crap.  It is the parent's job to show them why.

In the spirit of the season, I do give a couple of gifts.  Our parents, my nephew, Mr. Penguin and the girls (as well as a few Secret Santas).   Which brings us to our new predicament...Santa.  With Monkey's speech delay, we never brought up the story of Santa and how he supposedly comes to the house, as she didn't have the vocabulary and we didn't want to scare her.  So until school, where she is now learning about Santa, she just knew that we bought each other gifts and opened them on Xmas day.  And that Santa could be found at the mall.  However, Baby Penguin will be coming up next year on when kids are normally taught about Santa.  But we're not sure we WANT to start Santa at our house.  I don't want to lie to my kids, I don't want to give gifts from someone else, and I definitely don't want Xmas to become about GIFTS.

At the Penguin household during the Xmas season, we bake: cookies, muffins, cakes, bread - anything we feel like.  We cook: spaghetti, chili, casseroles and pasta dishes.  We donate: our time, our money, our toys, our clothes.  We cherish: each other, our friends, our family,and what we have.  But most of all, we create: drawings, paintings, things out of play doh, blanket forts, play picnics, whatever we feel like!  We choose to use the holiday season to spend time with our girls and experience the joy that can be had during this holiday season. 

On Xmas Day, I like to give my girls colouring books, art supplies, books and usually one toy each.  This year the baby is getting a soft chair for the toy room, a colouring book and a stuffed puppy - with crate and accessories to take care of it - to prep her for the puppy we may be getting next year.  Monkey is getting 4 books, Play Doh, some toy cars (she's obsessed) and a storage case to store them in - to help her learn to organize her smaller toys.  That is it.  There will be The Grinch movie, a wonderful breakfast by Mr. Penguin and tons of snuggles on December 26th this year (Monkey has Xmas with her father, so we'll be celebrating late).  It all sounds wonderful to me.  Even if the girls had no gifts under the tree, I know for a fact that it would still be an amazing day at our house.  <3

So, did you pass the tradition of Santa and gift giving on to your kids (or will you)?  How do you celebrate the holidays?  What is your favorite thing about December that just makes your heart soar?

Happy Holidays!
*hugs*

December

I purchased Mr. Penguin's 30th birthday gift.  He is one lucky man - well obviously as he has moi, but now he's REALLY lucky.  I cannot wait.

It's also my Mom's birthday, my best friend's birthday, Xmas and the holidays.  Decembers are always crazy, but I love them!  I love the family moments and searching for personal gifts for everyone.  I love that people think about one another during this time of year too. 

We have a tradition in the Penguin household of taking the girls food shopping for donations to the Food Bank.  They get to help out and pick some of the food and also learn about charity and helping those in need.  As Monkey is 5 this year, I am also choosing a child's name off of the Xmas tree at the mall who is in need of clothing.  It will be a good thing for her to understand and also pick out some cute clothes for someone else.

Happy Holidays folks!  Remember to hug someone close, call someone you haven't heard from in a while and donate - whether food, clothes, time, money or whatever.  'Tis the season for love!!

*hugs*
 

Thoughts

There are so many things going on in my head/life right now. 

Monkey is in school and dealing with all the ups and downs of her first year in kindergarten - I never realized how much of a relaxed mother I am until she started...some mothers need to uncork it a bit!  Baby is now walking and into everything - especially things she's not supposed to be in or things that will annoy her sister.  Mr. Penguin is back in university and trying to maintain his A+ average (I am SO proud of him!!) and working long hours into the night on his contract jobs on top of it all.  And me?  I am dealing with issues at work and making plans on the side.

I just wish my plans didn't hinge on my ex.

Seriously?!  You'd think after a divorce that someone wouldn't have that kind of power over you anymore.  But when it comes to children involved - and especially MY child - there is always a link.  So now I wait.  Does he want to help ME?  Hell no.  Is it better for Monkey?  I think so.  Will he go for it?  Meh...50/50 at this point.

That's all I have to think about.  How my job is killing me inside, how I want so much for my ex to be reasonable, how I miss my husband as he works his butt off, how I need to finish the laundry and keep decluttering...What?!  Xmas is coming?  Damn...I have things to get!  And cards to mail and, and, and...!!

And I may be getting sick (again) as my glands are a little swollen, most likely due to my work/ex stress.

AWESOME.

It's 9pm here...goodnight!

*ek*

Frustration

There is something I've always loved about Mr. Penguin - he makes me feel very feminine.  Growing up I was always the jeans and tshirt girl who hung out with the guys and playing pool.  I didn't do skirts, purses (I carried a wallet in my back pocket) or heels (sneakers all the way).

All of that changed when Mr. Penguin came into my life (again...but that's a whole other story for another day).  I find with him being so tall and having big shoulders, he makes me feel petite in comparison (and I use that word very lightly!).  I feel like the gentler sex.  I feel cared for and that he is there to protect me.  I don't always have to be the strong one.  It's a wonderful change.

This feeling of being protected and not having to be the strong one has brought about some feminine changes in our 3 years together.  I love purses!  And I'm quite the collector too.  Although I have severely limited myself before that addiction gets out of control.  I now have to sell one to buy one - it keeps the amounts in check.  I also love cute shoes.  Although my definition of what is cute doesn't necessarily fall into the 'fad' of the week (those gladiator sandals are the UGLIEST things I have ever seen.  Ever.)  I also started wearing skirts this year.  It is now to the point where I find it weird when I put pants on!  I literally wear skirts 7 days a week.  My teenage self would never have believed such a time could come.  LOL

So with my feminine side coming forth more and more, I've found other things to be true.  I thoroughly enjoy cooking and feel it is my responsibility to cook for my man and our family - although he does occasionally cook supper.  I think the housework should be mainly mine as Mr. Penguin works from home 14+ hours a day (he helps with the major sorting and organizing).  I feel that the majority of the work with the kids is mine (see his working hours above).  Is it a lot?  Yes.  Do I do it all?  Hell no.  I work full time and just don't get around to vacuuming as much as I should.  Whatever.  The dust bunnies add character to our home!  ;)

However, by having some jobs that are more "female" in nature, I feel that certain jobs should be held by the man of the house.  Like going on the roof or killing spiders.  Mainly though, I feel like it is the the man's job to mow the freakin' lawn.  And this is an agreed upon point between Mr. Penguin and myself.  I waited 2.5 weeks.  I waited until the grass was so long that any longer and I'd have to rake it too.  I waited until I could no longer stand it.  Then *I* went out and mowed the lawn tonight.

My inner woman is hurt.  She came inside and baked cookies to compensate.  ;)

*hugs*

It works!

You may remember that back here, Mr. Penguin and I had decided enough is enough with our finances.  We want more in life and it really shouldn't be that hard to balance a budget.  You may also remember that *I* am the bad one for spending in our relationship.  I know it, he knows it...I couldn't seem to change it.

We may have solved the problem!

In a weird and backwards move, Mr. Penguin and I divided our finances beginning July 1st.  Most couples have separate finances when they start dating and need to join everything together later on - not us.  We've had a joint account since 2 days after dating!  Yeah, we're special.  ;) 

We kept the joint account where the house bills currently pull from, we just opened our own accounts too.  I am now responsible for my car payment, my personal credit cards, my loan, my cell phone bill and anything else I choose for myself that isn't a "house expense".  Mr. Penguin has the same things on his end - plus his school expenses coming this fall and his past student loans.  So now if I spend too much - *I'm* broke, not him.  We also calculated that I make 40% of the income and him 60%.  So we determined that I would put 40% of the money required into the house account and him the other 60%.  This way we're both contributing equally based on our salaries and neither of us is beyond poor.

I'm liking this.

I feel like I'm contributing to the bills now and not just dumping my entire paycheck into our account and him paying for everything else.  I also don't have to account for every penny I spend from *my* money and I can purchase things I want without thinking about the house bills.  It's a new freedom.  It is also helping me with Mr. Penguin's spending money.  With him bringing in a larger salary, he can be free to go back to school - which he is doing - or take a trip home for a week and I will not be wondering which part of the "house" budget is paying for it...as it will come from *his* money. 

I feel this will help with our issue of "well you got to do/have X, when do I get to do/have X?"  When it all came from the same pot it was like it all had to be equal to justify the expense.  It was exhausting.  He makes more = he gets more.  Simple.  It is also motivation to clear my debt and start saving for what I want for me.  And that's exactly the point of this - I need to retrain myself financially. 

We're open as a couple to changing things - no matter how weird they may seem - to get to our goals and live in harmony.  If it doesn't work, change it.  So we did.

*hugs*

Our office

I put up Mr. Penguin's Father's Day gift today...

I love it!  It looks as good as I had hoped.  :D  His side of the office is coming along nicely...mine is still a work in progress.  I have some art projects to complete and some more organizing to do, but it's slowly becoming a wonderful Penguin office.

*hugs*

Deck it to me!

I'm currently relaxing on our swing drinking my morning tea and watching my babies play. Life is peaceful and wonderful.

My thoughts last night involved thinking I might attempt to add onto our deck next year. I have a book with simple deck plans and how to expand and create different levels, and it uses basic tools that we currently have in my workshop. Now the plans themselves are a little scary, but I only looked at them briefly, so I think it could be done. It would definitely be an awesome project to take on with Mr. Penguin!! I'll see what he thinks.

*hugs*


- Sent from my iPod.

I love my deck.

When my parents were over we rearranged the backyard deck.  I liked our deck before...but now I love our deck.  It's covered and therefore great midday when you should be staying out of the sun, but it still lets you be outside and experience the beautiful weather.

The way we positioned the swing now means less sunlight in the eyes.  The kid's pool and slide only get sun at sunset - so my babies won't burn.  There is extra deck space for the baby's outdoor highchair and still room for jumping from the slide structure and baby to crawl and me to stretch my legs...

It's perfect.

I relaxed on my swing this afternoon...not my usual nap, but enough to put a smile on my face.

<------ That's contentment right there.






Man I love sunny, breezy summer weekends!  Hope the weather is treating you all just as nice.

*hugs*

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

For a stat holiday that should have been relaxing, it was anything but!  I started out the morning running between two consignment stores in the area to update their ancient computer systems.  The new tax system goes into effect officially today and the systems had to comply and the receipts had to reflect the new tax name as well as percentage. 

Jobs that were originally scheduled between 9am and 11am actually took from 9am to 1:30pm.  Computers are awesome.  I went armed with a CD to override old files and was hit with a computer at each location that did not have a working CD drive.  No problem!  In the end it all worked out and the systems are updated and the owners are happy.

Once I was free to actually start my Canada Day -- my parents were over and the work really began!  My Mom is a cousin of the Energizer Bunny.  She has to be!  For a woman barely into her 50's she has more energy than anyone I've ever met.  In the seven hours my parents were here we (and I'm a VERY loose part of the "we" I use here) accomplished the following:

• Cleaned the kitchen
• Washed a load of dishes
• Steamed the kitchen floors
• Steamed the bathroom floors
• Washed two loads of laundry
• Had supper
• Folded and put away four load of laundry (I hadn't gotten to yesterday's loads yet)
• Mowed the backyard
• Pulled all weeds in the back and front yard 
• Pulled the vine out that was attempting to kill my cedar hedges
• Organized the shed
• Rearranged the deck and set up the kiddie pool
•  Emptied the dishwasher
• Bathed the kids in the outdoor pool
• .......I think that's it.

Like I said -- my Mom just keeps going and going and going...I think they wanted to help out as I have the two kids while Mr. Penguin is away.  Hey, who am I to refuse free labour?!

Both kids are now exhausted and in bed.  I'm getting ready to start my day super early tomorrow as I have to change the cash system at MY work to be tax compliant.  So early do-dos for me.  All in all it was a super productive day.

And I got a free pair of shoes out of today too!  One of the store owner's thought I was sweet and wanted to thank me for my extra time and also educating her on how to properly remove a flash drive.  hehe Bonus!!  Goodnight all.

*hugs*

Growing into my own skin.

Random thoughts in 3...2...1...

It's been a rough couple of months.  Is it possible to have an emotional growth spurt?  These past weeks I've felt unsure, irritable and just in a funk.  I'm loving my life one minute and daydreaming about a past that didn't happen another.  Maybe I'm going nuts.

Because if I'm truly honest with myself, I am happy.  I just need to see that more often.  To concentrate on what I'm lucky enough to have and not what I can have or want for the future.  Just live in the moment.  Slow down and enjoy it.

I've kicked myself in the butt and decided I'm going to be a full fledged grown-up from now on.  I've taken on doing the dishes every most nights and attempting to keep the house in order.  I'm assuming the child rearing responsibilities while Mr. Penguin is busy working all hours to support us.  I'm tired, but I'm also so proud of what I've been doing.  I've gained a bigger sense of pride in our home.  An unexpected side effect, but a wonderful mood booster.  To be happy while vacuuming or cleaning the yard...odd.

In taking it slow I'm also attempting to strip our lives of STUFF.  To have each other and the memories we make.  I want a nice home, sure, but I want MORE than that.

Our debt is the first of many things we're conquering.  Once gone I can't even imagine the feelings we'll have.  I'm giddy just sitting here thinking about RRSP's, GIC's, investments and savings accounts. 

...I may have been dropped on my head as a child... 

But seriously, to have the funds to plan our retirement!  Wow.  Totally amazing.  And I want to get on it and pack it full of all the things we want to do paired with all the time we'll have to just be us - together. 

There I go planning in the future again!! It's going to be harder to slow down than I thought...

*hugs*

What am I, 87?!

I spent the weekend indoors.  The weather was rainy and dreary and the kiddos were sick.  Normally that would make for a sucky weekend, but it was a nice change of pace.  After running our butts off for a few months, it was nice to wear pajamas until noon and eat lunch in the living room and just 'hang out'.

I've spent the last 2 days tending to a fussy baby, keeping up with an active 5 year old and attempting my hardest to be a Susie home maker.  I am not your ideal vision of a 'house wife'.  I hate cleaning, I tend to be scattered when it comes to my organization and I hate cleaning.  Did I mention I hate cleaning?!  I'm trying to be better.  Maintaining a clean house is waaaaaaay better (and easier!) than deep cleaning every other week...or month...or so. 

I am proud to say that I washed the upstairs bathroom this week, cleaned the kitchen floors, washed dishes, did 4 loads of laundry -- although they are still in the process of being put away -- cleaned the living room and vacuumed the hallways.  May not seem like much to some, but I work full-time and have 2 kids.  To me it's quite the accomplishment!!

The reason I feel like I should be 87 years old?  After rising at 9:30am and working my tail off all day (ie: leisurely cleaning and relaxing), I was spent and ready for bed...at 7pm.  That's right folks!  I debated curling into bed at 7pm (right behind my babies, who are 5 and under).  I. AM. AWESOME.  Just imagine what time I'd need to go to bed if I actually cleaned my home all the time!?  Seriously?  I can't go to bed before 7pm, I have kids to put to bed!  Sheesh.

So there you go.  I can't wash my floors today as I need to stay up until 7pm to put the baby to bed.  ;)  that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

*hugs*

17 Penguin financial facts

1) We have too much debt.
2) Divorce isn't as expensive as people think...but it is costing me/now us.
3) Our van is worthless before it's paid off.
4) The interest rate on one of my credit cards is high astronomical crazy ...there aren't words.
5) We know how to budget, we just can't seem to follow it.
6) Student loans are not always worth it.
7) Mr. Penguin was less 'poor' when he was working a minimum wage job than he is now - making more than he ever has.
8) Looking around our house...I'm not sure where we spent all our credit.  So was it worth it?
9) Some debt, although a pain to repay, was totally worth it.
10) About 1/3 of our income goes towards debt.
11) Our grocery expense should NOT be that high...and I'm ashamed at the average our financial system spat out (and that doesn't even include dining out!!).
12) We have almost paid off my parents, the bedroom furniture and the van.
13) We paid for our wedding in full ($10,000 with honeymoon), but it hurt us in other areas.
14) Our need desire to go home to the ocean 3-4 times a year has caused some financial strain.  Is it worth it?
15) I am the worst offender when it comes to spending.
16) Our new budget will be strict.
17) Our love for each other, our family and our life will help us join together to make our plan work.  We are working on the life we want -- now and in the future.  <3

*hugs*

Interest.

The interest rate is WHAT?!?!

Yeah.  We're having a boatload of fun over here at the Penguin household.  Woo.  As we calculate our debt, add up the amounts and discover how much we're being raped in interest charges...we realize how much better life will be when we learn to live without all this credit.

Some day I hope to be living fully within our means.  No credit cards, no interest charges, no more worries.  The habits we have are learned from an early age.  I'm watching our parents...and I'm thinking we need to break this habit or we're never going to get out of debt.  I don't want to pass this on to our girls.  I want them to be patient and appreciate things.  I want them to work hard and know that getting where you want to be takes hard work.

I want to learn to work hard for myself and for what I want.  I want to fully appreciate what I have already in this life, not what I want tomorrow or next week -- to love and be happy where I am.  So here we go with the stark truth.  There is no more hiding from it or pretending it doesn't exist.  Our time has come to face our mistakes and learn from them.

This is for you, my darling babies.  xo

*hugs*

Why only 24 hours in a day?

I started my new job back in March  and I haven't felt myself since.  I realize that I was taking it 'easy' while on maternity leave, and going with the flow...but I hadn't realized how GOOD it was for me.  See, I would sleep more (god how I miss sleep!) and relax and take walks and actually have the time to plan meals.  You know, like with meat and a side and use the oven and stuff -- not just throw a box of KD in a pot of boiling water (but I totally do not do this -- no, NEVER).

Now I spend my days rushing to get the kids ready and to daycare, to rush to work, to rush at work, to rush home, to rush through dinner/bath/bedtime stories/snuggles with the kids, to rush through work I brought home, to then flop into bed at some stupid hour and get up at the crack of dawn and start all over.  My house is a disaster zone.  I am so not joking.  My vacuum is laughing in a corner as it's been on vacation since...yeah, I can't remember the last time I vacuumed.  Don't judge me!  LOL

The kids have both been sick in the past 3 weeks.  I've spent about 11 hours total in hospitals, clinics and pharmacies just this month.  The baby has had 2 ear infections and the monkey had a virus of some sort.  This cut into mine and Mr. Penguin's work time, which means we're playing catch-up on both ends and missed pay.  Nothing like a little financial squeeze to make you relax!  Yeah, right.  Come to think of it, my ability to only make KD recently is actually helping us save money...

I'm a freakin' genius.

*hugs*

Best purchase EVER.

Of all the things you own, what would qualify as your best purchase EVER? Mr. Penguin and I bought a new mattress and bedroom set when we moved in together. I love the look of the actual set; it's unique and totally us.

But it's the mattress that is the best purchase. We'd pay double the original cost to us if we had to buy it again. Seriously. And considering what it originally did cost us, that's saying something!

After a week away I couldn't wait to get in it. Is it bedtime yet?

*hugs*

Goals.

I have quite a few goals for this year:

• To make my new job into something I will love and be proud of for years to come.
• To get healthier than I was raised and have become -- making exercise a daily occurrence for me and the family and good food the norm.
• To show my darling babies new things.
• To get out with Mr. Penguin and try at least 2 new things.
• To make our house into a warm and inviting sanctuary...and actually be able to find the floor in all of its rooms.
• To keep discovering who I am, what I love and what it means to be me -- which includes taking some sort of class.
• To continue learning about photography, how to edit photos and utilizing our camera to its full potential so I can continue with our plans for a side business.
• To be ready for Xmas...in October.
• To continue with my scrapbooks so that I can preserve our cherished memories for years to come.

........................and the list goes on and on.

For this coming month of March, I'd like to edit some of the photos I've taken.

 

This requires some more studying of Gimp on my part.  I'd like to make this shot into something amazing that I can frame for our office.  It just screams home to me and I want to have it where I can see it -- but looking its best of course.  ;)

And I also want to finish my Mom's Xmas gift in March -- the one for 2009 that I didn't have time to finish in time.  Oops.  I am finishing a half-stitch that she started when pregnant with me.  It was of a boy and girl praying.  She 'ruined' it (her words, not mine) and cut off the boy part she had started.  Funny enough that left the girl part -- and then she had me and kept it for 18 years.  LOL  I had to restart the stitch as I ran out of the original blue wool it came with.  So now I've updated the blue to a emerald teal-ish color and am hoping to frame it and give it to her.  I thought it would be something really meaningful and sentimental.

She probably won't even know where it came from.

Oh well.

It's still a gift!

Have a good hump day!

*hugs*

First trip home in 2010.

The Penguin family heads back East a couple times a year to our home town.  We look forward to each and every trip.  The first for 2010 is coming next month!  :)  It'll still be cold and probably still have snow...but we'll see OCEAN baby!  And that's all that matters in the end.

There is nothing like the smell of salt water.  *sniff!*

It's the last trip before I go back to work, so it's extra special.  Visiting friends, touring the sites, seeing some family...what a way to end my mat leave!  We're also bringing baby penguin to see the lighthouse for the first time.  It's a 'rite of passage' of sorts in the penguin household -- one me and Mr. Penguin treasure.

I think I'll be dancing a little bit more in the coming weeks...bring on March!

*hugs*