Do I have what it takes?

What makes a good mother?  A good wife?  A good employee, daughter or friend?  Are the rules and guidelines for greatness in a role dictated by others?  Are they created in our own minds?  Do they stem from how we perceive the role through someone else's eyes looking in?  I frequently ponder my roles in life.  I don't give a flying hoot what others think of me...I'm hard enough on myself, thank you very much.

Do I have what it takes?
 
In my role of mother I frequently question how I'm doing.  I know I'm a GOOD mother.  I know the basics and am raising happy, healthy girls...but what about the extras?  What makes a GREAT mother?  I want my girls to grow up fending for themselves.  To know the meaning of a dollar, to want to make themselves proud and to be happy with whatever cards they are dealt.  My struggle comes from not always having that myself.

How do I teach something I don't always practice?

As a wife I'm torn.  There are days that I'm insecure and need more loving and attention -- other days I rule the relationship.  ;)  I tend to be emotional...but is that a bad thing?  I need a connection - whether physical or emotional - most of the time.  Does that mean I smother?  Does it mean I can't stand on my own?  Does it mean I'm just head-over-heels in love with my man?  LOL  Does it mean anything at all?

I never questioned my role as a wife before.  It just felt natural to me.  However, after adding another child to the mix we've seemed to have knocked something off kilter.  Not a bad thing, just something to adapt to, is all.  I've taken on many new roles in the past year...being a wife has been one of them, but not necessarily the one that has received the most attention on my end.  Is my need for a connection all of the time a result of this?  A way to know my Penguin is there -- that he's with me and loving me no matter what craziness the day may bring?  (and boy do we have craziness!  We don't call our house a zoo for nothing!)

What if I'm questioning something that isn't really broken?

I'm juggling many different areas of my life at once.  I juggle the kids, with my work, with my marriage, with my own identity, with everything else.  But that's the thing: who wants to spend their life juggling?!  Why can't I blend it all together and just LIVE?  Why do I always have to be picking one area of my life over the others?

Why can't I just be me and the rest fall into place?

Do I have what it takes?
The jury is still out.

*hugs*