How many is TOO many?!

I'm getting my nephew on Saturday for a few hours -- he's 3.  No problem!!  I only have 2 kids under the age of 5 of my own and no husband around. 

I may be insane.

But it's a good insane!  We'll have hot dogs outside in the kiddie pool for lunch (with a fruit cup and milk to round off the food groups) and a nap in the afternoon and lots of running around and screaming and enjoying the sunny weather.  It'll be great and the kids will love it.  I will crawl into bed at 8pm spent, but it'll totally be worth it.

At the 'ancient' age of 28, I never want another kid of my own -- I'm done.  However that does not mean that some kids aren't cute or that I can't enjoy entertaining them.  I just don't want to push any more of them out of my nether regions.

Bring on Saturday.  I'm ready.

*hugs*

Low.

Today I'm at a low point - ironic after yesterday's posting really.

I'm trying to get back up and I'm still smiling for my babies.  It's hard.  As it stands for today...I'm not 'back up' by a long shot.  I'll try again tomorrow.

I miss my husband.

*hugs*

Happiness is a habit.

I've got a subscription to Chatelaine magazine.  With the $1 subscriptions from Rogers Wireless, I now have 3 wonderfully cheap magazine delivered at different times of the month!  But that's to gush about in another post. ;)  In my Chatelaine this month is an article on happiness.  Specifically how we make our own happiness.

Now, as a woman who struggles with mild depression on a random cycle (every 3 months to a year or so - not a daily thing) I have to agree.  I find that it is when I lose my focus or don't have a purpose that I tend to back slide into negative territory.  This is not to say that those requiring medication or with serious depression issues can be 'cured'.  But, that for the average person it means that you have the power to control your own happiness.

You have exactly the life you want to live.

Think about that for a second.  I believe in that statement 100% - it's actually going to be the inspiration for my next art project that I will be hanging in my office.

Do you hate your hair?  Change it.
Do you want to be a doctor?  Go to school and make it happen.
Tired of being alone?  Work on your self-esteem and get out and socialize.
Hate your job?  Quit it and get a new one.
Hate being fat?  Put down the cookies.
(Insert issue with your life here)?  CHANGE IT.

People love to bitch - it's human nature I think.  But the more negativity you put out there, the more you get in return.  Negative people attract NEGATIVE people.  Why would happy people want to hang around someone who complains 24/7?

Want to be a happy person and join the "life is awesome" club?  I do.  I work to stay in that club - it's a conscious decision I make every single day.  It's a matter of seeing the silver lining in every situation.  And believe me some days it's harder than others!  Just check back through my blog...I bet you can spot the days I hit negativity town from a mile away.
But I chose to be happy again and I got back up.  <------ that's the key.

It's a conscious choice to be made.  Every time life gives you a lemon, make lemonade - or lemon meringue pie or lemon chicken - whatever floats your boat!  Choose to be happy and you will be happy.  It's even been proven.

Some days when I'm driving to work and the day has started off in a funk, I make the decision to turn the day around.  What do I do?  I smile like a freakin idiot is what I do.  All by myself in the car!  I make the biggest, dumbest, goofiest smile I can make.  Cartoonish, if you will.  And then I picture myself as a person in another car watching this spectacle and I laugh.  That's all it takes.  :D By smiling - even if it wasn't 'real' - I send the proper message to my brain to release those happy hormones.  Plus I may have made some random commuters giggle as well.  So I guess I'm passing along the happiness as well!  LOL

In my home I have a ceramic dish on my kitchen counter.  I made it at a pottery store many years ago and it currently houses the small veggie knives, kitchen scissors and spoons used for tea.  It has 4 sides and on each one I placed a picture of something and a saying. 

My favorite is the side with the pink polka dotted chicken.  It's my life motto - Happiness is a habit.

It takes 30 days to create a new habit...why not start with happiness?

*hugs*

365 is a go!/17 Monkey Facts

I decided to start my 365 photo challenge today.

My Monkey had kindergarten orientation and I wanted to mark the occasion which would usually just be forgotten as any other day.  It was wonderful and too cute to see all the little faces - some excited and some crying in fear - as they met their classmates and experienced the classroom for 45 minutes.

My first baby is growing up fast!  With all the challenges she has faced in the past 3 years, I couldn't have been more proud of her.

::sigh::

On that note:
17 Monkey facts

1) She's SO tall for her age.  Everyone thinks she's 7+.
2) She has the best laugh.
3) She is the splitting image of me at the same age.
4) She loves cars, trains and trucks.
5) She has been in speech therapy for almost 2 years.
6) She loves her sister so much!
7) She loves routine - and is put off when it deviates.
8) She has the thickest hair you've ever seen on a child.
9) She was the flower girl at Mr. Penguin and my wedding.
10) Her favourite colour is blue purple RED at the moment.
11) She is a pasta monster.
12) She is obsessed with the movie 'Cars'.
13) Due to her speech delay/impairment, she has the most awesome words for some things - and I will be sad when they are corrected to 'proper' English.
14) She loves to help me around the house - whether baking or doing laundry - she loves to be my shadow.
15) She tells me she loves me at least a dozen times a day.
16) If tickled enough, she will snort - a female trait on my side of the family (not that *I* do that or anything... ::cough::).
17) She makes me smile.

*hugs*

#93

On my 101 in 1001 list, I had some hard things to accomplish, some easy things and some things that would challenge what I've been doing with my life recently - which isn't a whole hell of a lot.

Which brings us to #93 - Avoid Facebook for a week

Last night I deactivated my Facebook account.  Don't worry, I can log back in after a week and everything will be the same.  ;)  It was/is weird.  I don't live close to many of my friends, so Facebook is my way to catch up, chat and see pictures of everyone elses's babies I'm missing grow older.  I'm doing pretty good, mainly due to the fact that I removed all temptation (but it's been less than 24 hours so check back in 3 days).  By deactivating the account I no longer get the emails.  I removed the shortcut on my browser and hid the one on my BlackBerry (I told you I was an addict!!).

This way, I'm hoping to have more to show for my time.  I will be working on my blog, starting my other challenges and hopefully finishing the painting in the Monkey's room.  Yay me!!

I may even have to make this a monthly occurrence.  3 weeks on, 1 week off -- that would be cool.  Make me do something with my time.  I may even get to scrapbook!  Woah.

*hugs*

Under construction

The site will be going through some changes.  I am working on some personal goals that I'd like to track and my old template restricted what was possible.

Feedback is appreciated!
I'll be trying some styles out to see how they perform with where I want to take my blog.  Even though I chat like someone is listening...this blog is for me.

I write for me.  

To get it all out there, to make me feel better, just to rant and cry sometimes.  It's personal but public.  It is my therapy.

Thanks for joining me in my journey.

*hugs*

I'll get to it...sometime.

If procrastination were a sport...I'd probably drop out.

No seriously, I have been avoiding the work I brought home for HOURS now.  I've added pictures on Facebook, commented on people's stuff, chatted in my online forums, made a lazy supper...I'm out of stuff.

We all know I'm not going to clean anything.

There's a reason I added to cut Facebook out of my life for a week on my 101/1001 list.  I'm an addict!!

Ok, time to just suck it up and do it...maybe.  :D  It's a good thing I don't have cable to distract me!  Goodness, could you imagine how much sitting on my lazy ass I could do then?!  Wow.  THAT would be a sport.  A lazy one, but a sport.  Maybe I could design little medals for it!  Make an Etsy store...oooh, now we're talking.

Etsy.  Now there's a time waster.  Maybe I don't have to work after all! 

*hugs*

PS - I'll totally update you on the lazy ass medals if they come to be.  Just cause I know you're dying to buy one.  ;)

Take action.

After yesterday's ramblings I'm moving forward.

I've created my 101/1001 list and am creating the life I want bit by bit.  I'll trip, I'll fall...but I will get back up.
What do you want for yourself?

*hugs*

Growing into my own skin.

Random thoughts in 3...2...1...

It's been a rough couple of months.  Is it possible to have an emotional growth spurt?  These past weeks I've felt unsure, irritable and just in a funk.  I'm loving my life one minute and daydreaming about a past that didn't happen another.  Maybe I'm going nuts.

Because if I'm truly honest with myself, I am happy.  I just need to see that more often.  To concentrate on what I'm lucky enough to have and not what I can have or want for the future.  Just live in the moment.  Slow down and enjoy it.

I've kicked myself in the butt and decided I'm going to be a full fledged grown-up from now on.  I've taken on doing the dishes every most nights and attempting to keep the house in order.  I'm assuming the child rearing responsibilities while Mr. Penguin is busy working all hours to support us.  I'm tired, but I'm also so proud of what I've been doing.  I've gained a bigger sense of pride in our home.  An unexpected side effect, but a wonderful mood booster.  To be happy while vacuuming or cleaning the yard...odd.

In taking it slow I'm also attempting to strip our lives of STUFF.  To have each other and the memories we make.  I want a nice home, sure, but I want MORE than that.

Our debt is the first of many things we're conquering.  Once gone I can't even imagine the feelings we'll have.  I'm giddy just sitting here thinking about RRSP's, GIC's, investments and savings accounts. 

...I may have been dropped on my head as a child... 

But seriously, to have the funds to plan our retirement!  Wow.  Totally amazing.  And I want to get on it and pack it full of all the things we want to do paired with all the time we'll have to just be us - together. 

There I go planning in the future again!! It's going to be harder to slow down than I thought...

*hugs*

What am I, 87?!

I spent the weekend indoors.  The weather was rainy and dreary and the kiddos were sick.  Normally that would make for a sucky weekend, but it was a nice change of pace.  After running our butts off for a few months, it was nice to wear pajamas until noon and eat lunch in the living room and just 'hang out'.

I've spent the last 2 days tending to a fussy baby, keeping up with an active 5 year old and attempting my hardest to be a Susie home maker.  I am not your ideal vision of a 'house wife'.  I hate cleaning, I tend to be scattered when it comes to my organization and I hate cleaning.  Did I mention I hate cleaning?!  I'm trying to be better.  Maintaining a clean house is waaaaaaay better (and easier!) than deep cleaning every other week...or month...or so. 

I am proud to say that I washed the upstairs bathroom this week, cleaned the kitchen floors, washed dishes, did 4 loads of laundry -- although they are still in the process of being put away -- cleaned the living room and vacuumed the hallways.  May not seem like much to some, but I work full-time and have 2 kids.  To me it's quite the accomplishment!!

The reason I feel like I should be 87 years old?  After rising at 9:30am and working my tail off all day (ie: leisurely cleaning and relaxing), I was spent and ready for bed...at 7pm.  That's right folks!  I debated curling into bed at 7pm (right behind my babies, who are 5 and under).  I. AM. AWESOME.  Just imagine what time I'd need to go to bed if I actually cleaned my home all the time!?  Seriously?  I can't go to bed before 7pm, I have kids to put to bed!  Sheesh.

So there you go.  I can't wash my floors today as I need to stay up until 7pm to put the baby to bed.  ;)  that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

*hugs*

Alone.

I feel it.

Where do I turn to?  Who do I seek advice from?  When everyone around you has their own stuff going on and you need a shoulder to cry on...who do you go to?!

Some days I'm just not strong enough for all that life hands me.

But no one knows that but me.

*hugs*

17 Penguin financial facts

1) We have too much debt.
2) Divorce isn't as expensive as people think...but it is costing me/now us.
3) Our van is worthless before it's paid off.
4) The interest rate on one of my credit cards is high astronomical crazy ...there aren't words.
5) We know how to budget, we just can't seem to follow it.
6) Student loans are not always worth it.
7) Mr. Penguin was less 'poor' when he was working a minimum wage job than he is now - making more than he ever has.
8) Looking around our house...I'm not sure where we spent all our credit.  So was it worth it?
9) Some debt, although a pain to repay, was totally worth it.
10) About 1/3 of our income goes towards debt.
11) Our grocery expense should NOT be that high...and I'm ashamed at the average our financial system spat out (and that doesn't even include dining out!!).
12) We have almost paid off my parents, the bedroom furniture and the van.
13) We paid for our wedding in full ($10,000 with honeymoon), but it hurt us in other areas.
14) Our need desire to go home to the ocean 3-4 times a year has caused some financial strain.  Is it worth it?
15) I am the worst offender when it comes to spending.
16) Our new budget will be strict.
17) Our love for each other, our family and our life will help us join together to make our plan work.  We are working on the life we want -- now and in the future.  <3

*hugs*